|
July 17, 2010
part of a letter re depression, written to a friend in response to a review of a book she recommended (one she says doesn't accurately represent the book). realizing i usually think in terms of a society's dominant biases as these are pretty much the views most people act on, if they act at all. pretty sure society's dominant bias about mental illness is that it is a failure of will in almost all cases. the truth is far more complex than that, as you've pointed out. unfortunately, what most people will likely believe they've learned from that review is that depression isn't a real disease. and at broad and deep levels the stigma of mental illness will continue on.... also belief that depression and other illnesses are within an individual's control lets those not affected by mental illness off the hook -- that is, they can continue to blame the victim for the illness. this will make people who don't suffer from a mood disorder feel better about looking down on those who do. which is a shame, because many depressed people are quite kind, sometimes smart, funny, creative people who have valuable things to contribute to society. we lost more than one of these people too soon, to suicide. david foster wallace comes immediately to mind, of course; there are many others. Posted by Melissa Price at 05:47 PM"They are kind only to people who can help them. They were bullies in their schoolyards and now they've grown, but not really. They claim not to hold grudges; they nurse them instead. They set out to destroy whoever has one critical word to say about them. They won't ask questions or speak with you. They are strongest behind your back. If you request the courtesy of a conversation they will be too busy or decline. They want to believe what they want to believe. They want to belittle who they want to belittle. They are powerful people who seek communion only with other powerful people. They forget their humanity. They will try to run you out of town, even if you're nobody. Why? It galls and mystifies me that they invest such energy in spite and manipulation and then claim to be the good guys." CMU re The Bad Eggs Posted by Melissa Price at 03:39 PMwow. rumormongers. never cross a salesperson, marketer, guys from chicago or anyone you match-make for. superficial contact does not a friend make. they not only hold grudges but they try to turn life into an episode of survivor which is painful and awful and not what most people would expect from these people. but they're cunning, powerful, connected and know how to create a person-destroying machine. why? because a writer friend was critical of them? nice. makes me wonder why i'm naive enough to trust anyone. what's the point? that i'm drawing all this venom is amazing, really, because who am i besides a person who's experienced a hell of a lot of pain and would just like to quietly live her life and try to be kind. wind out of sails ... school kids playing pranks. also doesn't seem to occur that when you trash someone and ruin her livelihood you're also trashing people she loves and who rely on her. maybe something to think about? cue terry tempest williams quote. quit saying what you think. quit trusting. and quit caring. Posted by Melissa Price at 02:47 PMJuly 16, 2010 tanabata, star festival, wishing tree
If you have clinical depression and tell people they'll likely accuse you of whining or of "blaming society for your problems." Don't listen to them. If you are whining it's because you've known incredible pain, pain that's not visible to others. If people don't understand--and most won't--it's because they're lucky enough never to have felt the desolation of clinical depression. It's a disease. It has identifiable symptoms and treatments. It's not like a broken leg as a woman on the excellent Charlie Rose roundtable re mood disorders noted. People will not see you as ill. Again, the depression doesn't show up to the rest of the world. Know that only a very few might understand and empathize, even reach out. Most others will turn their backs (a point also addressed in the Charlie Rose roundtable show). You have to learn not to care that most people don't get it. Posted by Melissa Price at 09:23 AMJuly 15, 2010 Grew up with the stigma of keeping mental illness and its toll on families quiet. Decided I'm not going to continue that tradition. I've suffered from clinical depression for years, but only recently *fully* admitted it. Once I admitted I was ill I agreed to increase my antidepressant to a level where it would finally work. And it has.* Big point: Two symptoms that often distinguish depression from sadness are sleeping problems (sleeping too much or too little) and eating problems (eating too much or too little). If you feel you or a friend or family member might be depressed please seek your doctor's help. And don't give up until you, he or she feels better. Sometimes it takes awhile. *While the antidepressant is working at the higher dosage I'm also pursuing cognitive behavioral therapy. Will provide links to more information this evening. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Enough of the forced cheer and eating to try to calm down and feel better. Enough choking down social anxiety with wine before I go out. Crossroads comes and you have to make a choice. Be who you are or be who people would like you to be. Being who I am. Walk away or stand by me. Regardless of where you wind up, I'm right here. And from now on will be working to de-stigmatize mental illness, particularly depression. Because life is hard enough as it is. Because life is better when we're kind to each other. We all have weaknesses. And we all have strengths. Posted by Melissa Price at 10:45 AMJuly 14, 2010 Okay, who knows the helicopter pilot? Posted by Melissa Price at 10:35 PMFaceboot learnings (in part, to date): With some notable and delightful exceptions, don't friend people who don't know you unless they seem kind. I used to think that everyone was kind--or had the capacity to be. But that's changed a little. Accept that most people will never **fully** get you and that you'll never **fully** get them. So it goes. Above all: Try to be generous and fully mindful that everything changes--including people. Do this even--and maybe even especially--if others don't extend the same courtesy. Posted by Melissa Price at 04:45 PMJuly 12, 2010 early anniversary given the choice between being unkind and being "boring" he chose being "boring." now that really is subversion--and it's no small part of why i love him/i love him/i love him/i love him.*** (aside: he's venus as a boy.) ***arrrrrrrrghhhhhhh. what i meant to say is he knows that kindness/love are it, period.
archives | about |