May 09, 2009

Just south of Aspen this morning, a phalanx of contrarian shotgun-toting peacocks laid down their arms and lowered their flags to half-mast.

This was an RIP message for Hunter S. Thompson. (written years ago)

Deleted original old entry and reposted because somebot spammed too much.

Posted by Melissa Price at 09:21 AM



May 04, 2009

Marginalia

Joe the War Correspondent Pipes Up

As you probably know, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber, gave up his job as a fake plumber to take a real job as an analog-to-digital TV transition educator—which position he sacrificed in order to pursue a job as a war correspondent in Israel. Recently “Joe” made a point of saying “I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you're gonna sit there and say, ‘Well look at this atrocity,’ well you don't know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it."

But, as usual, when seeming to talk about himself—or at when talking about people who perform the same occupation he does—Wurzelbacher is not really talking about Wurzelbacher. After all, lacking any formal journalistic training, W. is not just another tiresome member of the liberal media elite nattering on about the nuance and complexity of war (aka the people he slags off in the above quote). He is simply Joe the War Correspondent, a man who calls it as he sees it. Some stuff about Joe that Joe’s called as he’s seen it: I am a plumber, Joe said--though he wasn’t actually a legally accredited plumber. I am about to buy a company that makes $250,000 a year, Joe said--though he wasn’t actually about to buy any company at all. Then again, Joe has never claimed to be Joe the Truth-Teller, so why quibble over a few little misspakes?

A friend of mine, Paul, was recently laid off from his job as a journalist at a major U.S. city newspaper. Like Joe, Paul has expressed a genuine interest in helping out in times of war. That’s why Paul has decided to offer his plumbing services to the people of Iraq. While Paul lacks formal training as a plumber, and is unlicensed to perform such work, he makes a persuasive case for going to Iraq. He won’t be all tricked out with wrenches and “snakes” and utility belts like those high-charging “professional” plumbers. No, he’ll just be Paul the Plumber. No fancy training, no schmancy “accreditation.” But he’ll get the job done. Says Paul: “Last year, the drain in my sister’s bathtub was blocked up and it really bummed her out that she might have to pay a plumber to fix the problem, because they charge a lot and she’s broke. So she called me up and I drove over to her place. She gave me some pizza and beer and we watched 30 Rock. Then she showed me the blocked up drain. I crouched down on my knees and peered into it. Just beneath the little crossed bits of metal at the bottom of the drain I spotted some filament type things. I looked in my sister’s closet and, after rooting around, was able to locate a wire hanger, which I bent. I then lowered the hanger down the drain and pulled a quarter-sized lump of hair out of the drain. After a little more plumbing, I turned the faucet on full force and flushed the drain with hot water. Problem solved. It felt good to be of service. I feel that the Iraqis, who tend to be a somewhat hairy people, might also benefit from my plumbing skills. Hey, it’s the least I can do.”

Posted by Melissa Price at 08:09 PM





She tumbled down the mossy slope, one of dozens in this painstaked world. Flicked a red leaf with thumb and index finger, the ice covering the leaf broke apart and slid to the frozen ground. Tomorrow she would slip beneath a large sheet of river ice to look for something to eat. Staring up at the grayness above the chill water she would spy one hundred possibilities, as well as water skimmers caught, fixed. How do you tell what's what here in the echoing forest? Pines, cypress, birch, more pine, hollies. Step-step-step. Feet tingled and went numb.

Sometimes she could barely tell if she was walking or just falling forward repeatedly. This struck her as sort of funny. Three days ago she had come unplugged from the terminal. One day ago licked hungrily at the frozen ground, tasting salt, clay. It was all she could do to keep walking. Though now, as she'd said, to someone? it was more just a series of stumbles than footsteps, really. Tumble, trip, tumble, pull up again.

The creature itself was wrapped in wolfskin. To keep the blood in and the bones, bones bound for a pool of boiling iron. They had plans for her. A rebirth of sorts. But she wanted none of it. All this had been too much. All this, not enough. Tumble down, tumble down. She touched an ear and heard an ant scaling a pebble, touched the other and heard nothing but the whoosh of circulation. Staring down at her boots, she realized they would not hold. Who knew she would be walking here, who knew that it could be different so quickly. It was not the shiny linoleum of the office hallway, not the smooth asphalt at the office park where she worked. She kicked at antlers half-covered with lichen.

Looked at another way, all of this was to be expected, all had appeared in children's books for grownups, in grownup books for children. All had accreted the resonance of age and repetition. But myth just told us where to look, that was all--it was shiny and distracting, fodder for crows. It grew in threes, snaked up trees like ivy, skyward, an invitation to hope. She sat on the ground, tore off boot and sock, inspected her foot for blisters. A small cut decorated one side of her big toe. Dark brown blood flecked with cardinal, the beginnings of a scab.

Strung between two cypress trees was an old fashioned street light apparatus. Heavy, big-globed. Still flashing red, yellow, green. She yelled something, it shocked her, that, something inchoate--was that it? The right word? How did she get here? And had it really been only three days? She missed the reassuring clickety-clack of fingers on keys, the smell of coffee, the dull sensible work at the lab.

It was clear that she would need to construct new vocabularies. Soon.

She wrapped the toe in vine, wound several times and knotted. The same vine she wrapped around the base of the boots for reinforcement. Tomorrow she would find mud to further shore up the tears and, hopefully, sun to set the approximate spackle. Makeshift solutions, sure, but there wasn't much choice now was there.

We do what we can when we can and we don't look back. Only that's not true. One does look back, eyes rolled inward, whites synapse-scorched and uneeing. If we weren't all zombies it would be a laugh, if we weren't. Someone taught me that, I don't remember who. Once you've looked back in sadness you ... But then ... And one night the stitches must out. You will walk three times around that old tree stump because you need a ritual and because the stump is more wounded than you are, and besides, it's there. Well isn't it? Said the wound to the injured you know nothing of pain. Still, you walk, scrape back the scab, salt the raw, sleep for a time in the afternoon sun. And when you awaken the wound's still there and you will not cannot be anything less than grateful. Because you are wise, because you are foolish. Because you, because we, look back, we look back, it's just what we do.

Cataracts are just falls, he said.

Posted by Melissa Price at 07:18 PM





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