Phoebe Tartine has changed her name. She won't tell you what her new one is--not yet anyway--for now, only Dame Edna knows. Rest assured it isn't Butterscotch Treaclesmith or Lollipop Candypants, though Licorice Whippington is not out of the question and Vinegare Blabby is a distinct possibility, as is Lobsteria Touchepants.

Maverick Prosciutto's already hard at work. He'll file his story in two hours for the early edition. We overheard his call to the city desk:

"Early edition, that's right. Give me the whole front page I said! You heard me. I don't care what that jellyhead had to say. Tartine's got something in the oven and it ain't waiting around for the likes of you tortoises to figure out what. I'll get it all right. I got it, see. Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. I said so, didn't I? Now quit blowing in my ear and get to work!"