And bumping our head. Oh well, at least we're wearing waterproof mascara.

According to a bit that ran yesterday, making up is the most important part of a woman's day. No wonder we've been so out of it. As we rarely wear make-up, we've been missing the most important part of our day for the past 20 years.

Or maybe not.

It seems that women who enjoy make-upping or who view it, as the writer of the piece suggests, as the "most important part of their day" may just be wasting their time. Researchers have discovered that wearing make-up--specifically foundation and powder--often covers up the natural glow of estrogen-rich women that signals their high fertility to males and that causes said males to want to rut with aforementioned glowy women. However if you're low-estrogen and uggers and have no glow anyway, well, go for it! Slather on that foundation. What have you got to lose but those heroin-chic undereye circles?

Maidenly modesty (temporarily) aside, may we dare to suggest just a few points these esteemed researchers failed to brush on?

1. Make-up these days often contains ingredients that moisturize the skin and protect it from sun damage--not only cutting down (probably minimally) on the risk of developing skin cancer but also most likely preventing the kind of damage that might later manifest in unsightly age spots the size of Susan B. Anthony silver dollars, roughening, reddening, wrinkling, and broken capillaries. Oh and that glow--it's far more likely to stick around if you don't gambol about sans foundation everyday. Alternatives: Apply sunscreens to your face that cause you to resemble a geisha or that crank up that glow a notch or two into a blinding shine or that cause you to sweat like a banshee. Or you could wear one of those floppy hats that makes your head sweat, your hair look funny, and that causes you to bump into cars because you can't see where you're going. Wearing foundation and powder to look pretty is not the only reason women wear foundation and powder. We also use it to protect and preserve--with full knowledge that during the day foundation and powder cakes and dulls and highlights crevices and sometimes also goops and glops. Sure, only a few men dare to peel back the plaster. But it's those few that get to see us barefaced, estrogen-full and glowing like Christmas trees at night and in bed the next morning--even when we're 60.

Those who can afford to, avoid all of the above problems by wearing $75 SPF 30 sunscreens that smell of summer breezes, that are unsticky and unstingy and that don't bring out their inner geishas, except in good ways.

2. OK, so we also like to wear make-up to look good. All kinds of make-up. We are influenced by the culture we live in, most of us, whatever. That doesn't mean we wear make-up all the time or that we always enjoy putting it on. And usually when some of us, maybe even most of us, do apply make-up it takes maybe five minutes tops. What most of us know is, if we apply a small, skillfull amount, we'll look a little better. And when we look better we often get more positive feedback and give more positive feedback and smile more and feel more relaxed and oh the world is just an Orchid Frost paradise! However this does not mean that we want to be ogled or are asking for it by wearing red lipstick. (BTW, just for the record, very few of our vaginas are Fire Engine Red. We're mostly Nudes or Naturals or Nutmegs.)

3. Make-up can be fun. It's like paint. We can experiment with different colors and textures and it all feels very freeing and fun and arty. Peacock Blue! Peony Pink! Glittery Glitter!

4. Make-up can reflect mood-states or signify wished-for transformations. These are not always simply: "I want to transform into someone prettier so guys will want to get into my pants." Some days we wear gun-metal grays, silvers, and icy blues because that's how we feel--steely, remote, armored. Other days we wear glittery mauves (for frostbite) and violets (for Napoleon) or browns (for dirt) and reds (for ketchup).

Ahhh, that's better. Now we're glowing.

*you didn't know there was one, did you?