October 28, 2005

REWIND: You Hold The Lock And We Hold The Key

Last evening, we at Slanted partook of a few lite libations in anticipation of Libby and/or others in the White House getting BUSTED. Though not exactly cause for full-on celebration, we were glad to see that at least one former Yalie has been relieved of the notion that Skull and Bones rules still apply....

Yesterday's soiree was also held in honor of the comedic and poetical contributions of
John Cleese and Dylan Thomas, who share an October 27 birthdate. (This probably should have been our primary cause for celebration, as we hold these two in higher esteem than any politician.)

Thomas was kind enough to e-mail us his response to Libby's indictment. Cleese could not be reached for comment, but sent via messenger a nice block of Stilton in the shape of Dick Cheney's head.

And now for Dylan's take on the indictment:


Up from the flaming rootbeds of aspens leapt blindingly to my blood-red doorstep a proclamation as frank and spacious as nature itself. Hearing the news I did grinningly throw wide my windows and share my exuberance with the surrounding village--which of late had grown cramped and gray and turned inward upon itself. I planted the glad news. I spoke of tidings turning tidings--from sickly yellow heralds to glowing golden tribunals. At last! Salt to scrub clean the wound! At last the growing of new skins and new souls! With tidal resolve, and prior to death's last ebb, we will shed our viper-skins, dive deep into primal waters, and with courage resume our long swim to a distant and radiant shore. Shortly, though, I tire of churning enthusiasms and turn back to the hearth and attempt to warm my hands there, my hands, white and gray, fluttering like nervous birds before the fire, trying in vain to catch some lasting comfort there.

Originally posted 10-28-05

 Posted by Melissa Price at 04:19 PM



October 26, 2005

Once Again, White House Bummed By Reality-Based Media

White House to The Onion: "Oh come on you guys! Quit making fun of us! We ... we ... indict you!"

Check out the Reason Hit and Run.


 Posted by Melissa Price at 07:35 PM





Daily Chews

Today is pretty much skippable--at least for now.

Tomorrow, however, is Dylan Thomas' birthday, which we at Slanted will be commemorating in entirely predictable ways.

In the meantime, check out the mouth on Bad Reporter Don Asmussen.

 Posted by Melissa Price at 10:39 AM



October 25, 2005

A day without news is like a day without fog.

Hearteningly for many, there has been, today, both progress and sun. Though a photosensitive few seem to have taken to the hills in search of more fog.

Ban fishbowls for domiciling goldfish; make them mandatory for housing politicians. A little more panopticism is in order. ... And they say we're pessimistic.

Wal-Mart will no longer hire unhealthy people. They are circulating memos: "No help that will require health insurance wanted here!" That seals it. Tomorrow I'm going straight to Wal-Mart to get a job. I mean, I'm healthy. I can lift things. Only after scoring that cushy cashier job will I cop to suffering from Tourette's. "Fucking penis-enlargement price-check on child's SpongeBob SquarePants cellphone, motherfucker! Asshole dickhead piece of shit! ... Please."

Picture of the Day.


 Posted by Melissa Price at 08:26 PM



October 24, 2005

Daily Chews

"I" is for Irving, Indictment, and Ill-Advised

"S" is for Scooter, Semiotics, and Secrets.

Slate's John Dickerson outs I.(aka Irving) Lewis "Scooter" Libby as a student of Straussianism, which tutelage may shed some light on Irving's meticulously lavender prose.


Leo Strauss, the German-Jewish political philosopher, is seen by many as one of the intellectual fathers of neoconservatism. Wolfowitz, Libby's teacher at Yale, was a graduate student at the University of Chicago during Strauss' ascendancy, and Libby won membership into that conservative club via Wolfowitz. Part of Strauss' teaching is that ancient philosophers wrote on two levels: for the mumbling masses, but also, and often in contradiction of the literal message, on an "esoteric" level that only initiates could make out. Some Straussians have adopted this code themselves. So, where Homer Simpson would interpret Libby's note as ham-handed fawning over Judy, a Straussian close reader might discern something more devious: a literary file in the cake for both of them.

Icing TK.


Don't Bogart That Job, My Friend

The FBI is considering changing some of the rules for new hires. One of those rules concerns pot. According to current regulations, one is not eligible for employment by the Bureau if they've used weed within the past three years or if they've partaken more than 15 times, total.

So if someone has used pot, say, 16 times, but hasn't indulged even once in the past four years, that still means they're not eligible to join the Betty Bureau.

Dude, that sucks.

Had we known that, we never would've switched to OxyContin. (A nod to the grotesque Rush Limbaugh, who, I believe, was/is an addict. Me, I never touch anything stronger than Amstel Light.)

Also, may we point out that a little experience with pot-induced paranoia might actually be desirable in a spy-candidate?


Way to Circumvent That Tricky Flack!

Score that all-important celebrity interview by "wandering" and "stumbling" into it. Check the diabolically clever strategy--and by all means don't hesitate to read between the lines. ... On second thought, reading the lines should suffice.

 Posted by Melissa Price at 12:40 PM





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